Welcome Stephanie.
Even though you were undoubtably scared, it seems you have already taken many difficult and necessary decisions. You are very brave. Do you realize that?
You haven't seen your mother for a long time. Do you think you would like to find her? Would that do you both good?
Its true, that our never JW parteners cannot pĂ´ssibly fully understand what its like for us. Does your partener read this forum? That might help her understand that there are thousands of people who have the same trauma as you .
Things can and will get better. Good luck for your future.